Saturday, February 4, 2017


I was talking on the phone with my mom yesterday for the first time in a few days.  We have texted some, but for the most part, she hasn't heard much from me.

I always know something is going on with you when you go silent, she said.

Yep.  I do.  But if feels less like something going on.  And more like nothing.

Nothing.  And everything.  Followed by endless seas of nothing.

The last time I posted was on Halloween.  So much has happened since then.  Birthdays and holidays and trips that didn't work out and trips that did.  Work on/in our houses getting them ready for hellos and good-byes.  There have been lots of Moscow Mules.  Anthony makes a killer Moscow Mule.

And we've been so close as a family, loving our time together playing games and watching movies and doing puzzles and going through all the stuff in our house.  It has been a really sweet time for us.  BUT.

There is this cloud of uncertainty over us that weighs so heavily on us all.  Our adoption process continues to loom large.  We will have one amazing step forward followed by painful silences and news of "no news".  We have to think through the plans for her coming home, all the while knowing that we have absolutely no idea when that will be.  Even writing this gives me anxiety.

And to add to all the uncertainty that the adoption has brought, we are listing our house at the end of this month.  Oh dear Lord let it sell quickly!  The thought of having the house on the market, dealing with showings and keeping the house show ready and throw in the amazing but unbelievably anxious dog that is our beloved 9:30 in the morning too early for a Mule?  Oh, when will it sell?  When will our close date be?  When will we be moving?  WHEN?

Don't know.  DON'T know.  DON'T KNOW.

We never would have guessed all of this would have collided into the same couple of months.  And we wouldn't have chosen it.  But two and a half years after starting our adoption process in Burundi and one and a half years after buying our house, we are now only a handful of months from our lives completely changing.  From all our dreams and hopes becoming our actual life.  I'm in complete awe of this and wonder so much about what our life is about to look like.

So there are moments when I am insanely excited and moments when I am completely overwhelmed.  Either way, you will most likely find me quietly moving about my house these days.  Either because I feel completely at a loss as to what I should be doing, or going through each corner of our house, preparing for whatever is next.

But you aren't likely to find me talking on the phone these days.  Or blogging for that matter.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Happy Halloween.

A couple of my kids are almost too old for this, but not yet...

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Family Staycation.

This past weekend we decided to take a family staycation.  We have been so busy this year, especially with the work I have been doing at our other house, so taking a weekend to just be a family was so needed.

We only left the house twice.  Once to go to the pumpkin patch and once to go to church.  Other than that we played games, did a few chores, watched a movie, made caramel apples...Anthony and I even went for a walk together while the kids played in the front yard!  (Can I just tell you how amazing it is to be able to be gone for a little bit together like that?!)

It was simple.  It was restful.  It was just what we needed.

yeah, he is definitely NOT bashful

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Days with the "baby".

Okay, so he's not a baby anymore, but he will forever be the baby of our family and I am soaking up every moment of my days with him.

I really do love having a lot of kids.  And having only three and a half years between the oldest 4 is actually really great.  But having some extended one on one time with the little man has actually made me love all of them more.  It reminds me why I adore being a mom, even on the bad days.  And having Matthias as our caboose has been such a gift because this guy is a hoot!

He's a bright little booger who understands humor and whit and pretty much anything we put in front of him.  He is so funny and chatty and helpful and cuddly.  Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, but I have no doubt that God knew I would need this little man to make life a little whole lot sweeter. He even tells me throughout the day that I am "the best mom in the whole wide world".  Heart melting.

It's been 4 amazing years so far with him and I know that our time together like this is limited.  In less than two years I will have all of my kids in school all day after more than 14 years of being a mom.  How crazy is that?!  I have to be honest and say that I am seriously looking forward to it.  I'm ready.  But with it still a little ways away, I am truly enjoying this time with my little buddy by my side.

I mean, how could I not!