Friday, October 26, 2007

A Hard Realzation

The other night Adele had a nightmare. It must have been awful because we just couldn't comfort her. Finally, we brought her and Elise (who, of course, had woken up) into our bedroom while we got ready for bed, hoping that that would wake her up enough that when she went back to bed she would be okay. No such luck. After we had laid her down, she went right back into it. When she screamed out a second time, Anthony and I went in to pray over her. That seemed to comfort her, but as I walked out of the girls' room, I broke down and cried. I guess that it was just one of those moments when as a parent I made this great realization...I'm not always going to be able to protect my sweet girls, not even always comfort. Sometimes all I'm going to be able to do is pray for them and trust that the Lord has His hand upon them.

This isn't going to be easy...this parenting thing. And not just because of the fits they throw and the way they antagonize each other, but simply because even though God has set Anthony and I over these little ladies, to care for and nuture them, there is a break in our relationship, a void I can never fill. It's good that I can't because it will hopefully force them to turn to the Lord someday, but it hurts and as I left their room realizing that it was out of my hands, I grieved this break. Hopefully though, I will also grow to find peace in the fact that I don't need to fill that void and that Someone else, Someone who fills it perfectly and completely, desperately wants to.