Saturday, November 10, 2007

A Heartwrenching Reminder

Yesterday I got an email from a friend of mine...her cousin's husband of 16 months had died in a helicopter crash. I was shocked. I know that kind of stuff happens, but when you know someone it happens to (or close to it, like this), it really hits home. I read her blog entry yesterday and it broke my heart. The despair and pain just bled through her words. I read the entry before that too. It was the day that he died (before it happened) and her entry was so seemed so ordinary. And then, just like that, it was forever altered. It's just hard to wrap your mind around that.

Life can be so hard sometimes. It's too real. Too painful. It's a struggle, and there are times as a woman, mother, wife, when it just seems too hard, too real, too much. I really try to cling to the Lord during those times, but why is it that in those times that life seems too real, God often seems too unreal? It's one of the great struggles in life I think. Clinging to faith when you seem to be drowning in life. I just don't know how people who don't know God do it. What keeps them going? How do people stay married when they don't believe in a God who is fighting on their behalf? I can't even begin to think about my life without scares me. I really think that I would be a complete mess.

So, all that to say that I hope that I take time today to enjoy my beautiful girls, my sweet husband. That I show them a little bit more grace and patience. That I take time to love them and love them well, remembering that life here is so finite.

I love my life. It's not perfect...far from it, but it is a good life. I forget that. I get caught up in the details, the fits the girls throw, the fights Anthony and I have, the never ending mess in the house, my lack of confidence as a woman...I don't want to live my life that way, drowning in it. He tells us that He wants us to have life to the fullest and that's how I want to live my life. I know I won't do it all the time. I'm too human for that, but I hope that as each year goes by I find that I have spent a little bit more time above the water.