Wednesday, February 22, 2012

More like a turtle, less like a hare.

So, as usual, with a new year comes new thoughts about how I want to live my life. I set some goals, knowing that in a good year I will obtain maybe half of them, and beat myself up a little over the things that I know I value and yet can't seem to flush out in my day to day.

Yesterday, I was having another one of those thoughtful moments. I had been reading the blog entry of a friend that was all about her approaches to food, and I realized that that is an area where I never seem to be able to pull my act together. That thought quickly rolled into all the other areas in my life where how I wish I lived and how I in fact live, well, they just don't line up. And it isn't like they are big things either, they are completely doable. You know, things like not having so much clutter everywhere, cooking real meals, writing more...

There's something that you should know about me. I am not the most motivated person in the world. I have my moments when I get really into something and completely dedicate myself to it, but I usually fizzle and end up, oh, i don't know, finding my office with one beautiful sewn curtain hanging without ever even starting the second. I have kinda figured that this has been a consequence of having things come really easy to me as a kid. I just never had to try hard, so I didn't, and now it is hard to push myself.

Another thing you should know is that I also HATE busyness. I mean I really HATE it. I don't envy moms who are constantly on the go, taking their kids from this activity to that, on this committee and that one, volunteering at every class party and scheduling playdates for their kids every spare moment. Nope, don't envy them one bit. And I can't stand that we live in a community where one of the first questions is always about what extra activities our kids do. And I'm not dumb, I know that there is this underlying attitude that we are somehow not giving our kids every advantage because we only allow them one or two activities a piece each year...doing all we can to have only one or two of them going at the same time. Because I actually think we are doing our kids a favor.

As a kid I swam competitively for 9 years, played piano for 5, soccer for I think 6 years, I danced, did Brownies (or a church equivalent)...and I don't do any of those things now. And not only that, but I never did something that I really loved. I never found a passion for myself. I just did what was expected and found myself graduating from college with a degree (art history) that I will never use and absolutely no interests that I could really sink my teeth into...besides Anthony, that is. = )

And so now as an adult I find myself interested in a number of things but completely uncertain as to how to really engage with them. And I feel like a big failure...a lot. But I also know that my hatred towards busyness keeps me from just trying to do it all. Rather than running around with my head cut off, I find that I want to slow things down even more. I find that that is how I believe I can actually begin to live the way I want to live. Busyness causes me to shut down and become completely useless, but if I could slow things down and be more thoughtful and intentional in what I do...

So that is my new thought, my new goal if you will. I want to slow down. Take the day with each minute it offers and spend my time more thoughtfully. I want to kick my feet up when I need too, but also take the 2 minutes to make my bed in the morning, knowing that each time I walk in my room that day, I will feel so much more at peace instead of being frustrated. I want to take the time to think about what I would enjoy eating, what my family might enjoy, and embrace the whole process of a meal instead of watching each minute tick by after 4:30, dreading the first one who will ask me what's for dinner.

I won't do it every day and frankly, I'm not the kind of person who needs the house to be spotless and the meal perfectly balanced...but I hope that if I take the time to be more thoughtful about my time, I'll enjoy life more...

And just so you know, that thought just made me smile and audibly sigh.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

February's books

Okay, sorry it has been awhile. I have a couple of posts planned that I will get to eventually this month...I hope.

Anyway, I really enjoyed my books last month and wanted to let you all know what I am reading this month.

First of all, about last month's selections...I have to say that I really enjoyed my Sherlock Holmes book. In a way, it was exactly how you would expect it to be and yet it truly held me the whole time and I pretty much flew through it. Really a fun read.

I also enjoyed the CS Lewis book. I will say that there were some chapters that I absolutely loved and some that I just kinda read over. I feel like this is one of those books that I will get more and more out of each time I read it. It's on my list to read again.

Now to this month's choices...

Classic: Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. I already had this on my shelf. (Pretty sure we stole it from my mom's house.) I have the exact edition of what is pictured below, although mine is in better condition. It is from 1930 and it is just beautiful, with incredible colored illustrations. It's a bit of a random choice, but I have read all the girlie books in our house and have been left with the boy adventure ones until I buy myself something new.

Spiritual: Simply Christian by N.T. Wright. This has got to be good because all really great Christian authors go by their initials. = ) Anyway, I know nothing about this book, only that Anthony thinks I will really like it once I get passed the first few chapters. (He is so enjoying picking these books out for me!)

So, that's it! Check back and I'll try to get another post up soon. In the meantime, go read something's good for you.