Saturday, February 4, 2017

Quiet.

I was talking on the phone with my mom yesterday for the first time in a few days.  We have texted some, but for the most part, she hasn't heard much from me.

I always know something is going on with you when you go silent, she said.

Yep.  I do.  But if feels less like something going on.  And more like nothing.

Nothing.  And everything.  Followed by endless seas of nothing.

The last time I posted was on Halloween.  So much has happened since then.  Birthdays and holidays and trips that didn't work out and trips that did.  Work on/in our houses getting them ready for hellos and good-byes.  There have been lots of Moscow Mules.  Anthony makes a killer Moscow Mule.

And we've been so close as a family, loving our time together playing games and watching movies and doing puzzles and going through all the stuff in our house.  It has been a really sweet time for us.  BUT.

There is this cloud of uncertainty over us that weighs so heavily on us all.  Our adoption process continues to loom large.  We will have one amazing step forward followed by painful silences and news of "no news".  We have to think through the plans for her coming home, all the while knowing that we have absolutely no idea when that will be.  Even writing this gives me anxiety.

And to add to all the uncertainty that the adoption has brought, we are listing our house at the end of this month.  Oh dear Lord let it sell quickly!  The thought of having the house on the market, dealing with showings and keeping the house show ready and throw in the amazing but unbelievably anxious dog that is our beloved Huckleberry...is 9:30 in the morning too early for a Mule?  Oh, when will it sell?  When will our close date be?  When will we be moving?  WHEN?

Don't know.  DON'T know.  DON'T KNOW.

We never would have guessed all of this would have collided into the same couple of months.  And we wouldn't have chosen it.  But two and a half years after starting our adoption process in Burundi and one and a half years after buying our house, we are now only a handful of months from our lives completely changing.  From all our dreams and hopes becoming our actual life.  I'm in complete awe of this and wonder so much about what our life is about to look like.

So there are moments when I am insanely excited and moments when I am completely overwhelmed.  Either way, you will most likely find me quietly moving about my house these days.  Either because I feel completely at a loss as to what I should be doing, or going through each corner of our house, preparing for whatever is next.

But you aren't likely to find me talking on the phone these days.  Or blogging for that matter.

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